I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
