i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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