So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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