I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
