Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hell yes lets make some ravioli
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
