the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
