I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
