So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
