quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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