He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
