whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
