I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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