I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to rekindle our bromance
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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