yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
