I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
