The maid of honor just puked.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
