Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
