Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
