my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You pole danced in your parka.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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