I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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