i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
