Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
