note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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