Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
