Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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