Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
