every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
