Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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