omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
