I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
