Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
