If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize