Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
