i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
jump out the window naked night went bad
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
