All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
