Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
