next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
