Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
