The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
