I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
