how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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