McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
