I don't think brook has ever known best
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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