Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
