Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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