she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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