Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
