mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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