never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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