I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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