it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
