I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
