your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
